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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 121
The Mafia Gazette Issue 121 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Wednesday 24th January 'NOMAD ANGELS ANNOUNCE NEW MIAMI HOME ' Recent times have been full of change for crime family Angels With Dirty Faces, headed by Consigliere Albert-Neri, and have seen the family move through no less than three cities. The family had previously been based in Atlanta for some time, though after the recent fall of Bertone and subsequent takeover of Las Vegas by John_Milton, the family upped and moved next door, claiming Los Angeles as their own. It was thought that there was perhaps some sort of move by the two to re-establish the once famed LV-LA drugs route. Though, this move was apparently cut short by the demise of L’Unione, after the death of Milton in Vegas at the hands of MrValentine, who has since rarely been seen walking the streets at all. Shortly afterwards, the now LA crime family upped sticks and moved back across the country once again, this time not to their previous home of Atlanta, but to the city of Miami. It had previously seen AWDF occupation with the deceased EvilBunny, who appeared to establish a satellite family there for a short time, before selling his HQ and returning to Neri in Atlanta. There has been little comment from the leader of Angels over their recent bizarre behaviour, besides a recent street speech in which he warned street bosses not to set up in Miami. Rumours have surfaced, however, that Conceptualist Capo Tarby will soon be leaving the New York family to set up on his own in Atlanta. Other rumours that the two plan to establish a drugs route between the cities are still as yet unconfirmed. [b[ END OF AN ERA? By Alex Frutos The announcement from Albert Neri made in the afternoon of January the 22nd highlighted an immediate change in the landscape of the east. Tarby, formerly a New York City capo was moving to Atlanta as part of a new initiative to improve relations along the Eastern part of American and strengthen links with another family. Consequently, The Conceptualists of New York lost their latest leader following the loss of Shoopy in an unfortunate kidnapping accident. Later that afternoon Fabrizio was heard to be having an argument in the coffee shop where The Conceptualists often spent their time and was overheard saying he was quitting the group along with ‘Grave Despair’ to form his own family leaving the potential for a three way family split and appear to be in the midst of a three way civil war. Yesterday however additional rumours about the disbandment of The Conceptualists began to circulate with key leader seen walking away from the building without looking back. It is yet neither confirmed nor denied, but key sources indicate that the family may be on the brink of disbanding to pursue a life away from there. This is undoubtedly big news for the Mafia world and it now seems like the second of the three largest families will follow ASDA in the footsteps of announcing to the streets that they will no longer exist as a faction. The repercussions of such an act may be huge and only time will tell on the outcome of this. 'WEST COAST FALLS SILENT ' In the short time since the recent violence that marred the West coast, there has been a distinct lack of communication from the West coast of America. Las Vegas suffered some initial criticism, with group “One Nation Underground” claiming rights to the city, though not clarifying whether they were attempting to do so as a legitimate crime family, or the underground group that their name suggested. After much mocking in the streets, the group changed their name, and banded together under Ronin, who after an initial announcement, as remained fairly mute. After approaching Ronin, he commented that he was waiting until the Godfathers bestowed the rank of Made Man on him before making further public announcements about his position in the West, and is concentrating on that and his crew for the time being. Another West coast family to spring up is Paulo’s Pirates in LA. Headed by Made Man OttoWackew, they have remained completely silent since their conception. Their intentions remain a mystery to the general population, though the family appears to contain the remaining elements of now disbanded ASDA. With The Conceptualists swearing to kill all remaining elements of the now dead family, it seems only a matter of time before some violence erupts between the two factions, though none seems to have passed as yet. There have been various other smaller groups set up around the West, although they seem to share these two families shy nature when it comes to public speaking. Are the days of families making proud announcements of their intentions gone? Or are these mobsters just up to no good? More on this story as it happens. 'STRIKE STILL IN FULL FORCE ' Since the engineers Union strike was called on Friday, the country’s rail system has been at a total standstill. With only limited flights between certain cities, travellers have had to plan their journeys carefully, with some cities now becoming inaccessible from others, despite their close proximity. It was hoped negotiations could resume the train services by now, however Union officials still refuse to budge on new stringent safety laws called for by the rail workers after recent freak weather conditions have left some railroads completely blocked. It is hoped that the strike can be resolved within the next few days, though an exact timeframe cannot be given at this stage. 'BUS TO HELL DEPARTS ON TIME ' Last week saw a strange announcement from Las Vegas resident St-Miguel. He took to the streets to give away tickets on a ride he was calling “The bus to Hell”. It appeared that the tickets were not as popular as he may have hoped, with little over half the bus filling up by the close of the offer, although with such high-profile travellers such as MoneyPenny, TieDomi, and Johnny_Reino, the goodbye party must have kicked up quite a storm. Controversy was rife however, when Miguel revealed the destination was not in fact Hell, and instead the dim-witted passengers had inadvertently ended up on a bus to Canada. With prohibition still in full flow, here’s hoping they bring us back some whiskey, if they ever return. 'MAN ABOUT TOWN: MIAMI ' This week’s business reviews will centre around Miami, as this is where our Man About Town has spend his free nights so far. We start with MoneyPenny’s “The Slug and Stilt”. A charming olde English style ale house with a distinctly rustic feel, its main feature, besides the charming barmaid, is the huge log fire. It adds a touch of warmth to the already welcoming atmosphere. The piano man smelled a little like stale wee, but if you sit across the room, you hardly even notice it. The pints pulled were exquisite, Next, we visit Albert-Neri’s bar, Furios. The first thing that struck me about this place was the high prices. Don’t even bother walking into this joint if you don’t have at least $2000 tucked in your back pocket! One of the most expensive drinking establishments around, it certainly didn’t seem it. The bar was nice, but didn’t look like the money being spent in there was going towards the décor. Wood effects were definitely over-used in its design. I got the distinct impression this place was more a front for conducting business in the Miami area rather than a place to go and enjoy a quiet Saturday afternoon pint. So in conclusion, if you’ve got business in Miami, you’ll probably find the high-rollers here. If you want a nice pint and good atmosphere, go to The Slug and Stilt. Next time: New York or Chicago (Man About Town hasn’t decided yet). 'THE OLD MAN SAYS… ' You thought the Old Man was just there to tell you about the Cubs winning the World Series? Think again. In the first of a series of articles, the Old Man imparts his words of wisdom after observing many years of life in the mob. Article One: Respect Now you may hear this word used often, but you need to understand it to get by in this world. Respect your elders, respect your family, and most of all, respect yourself. Think before you act, and think how you would feel seeing somebody act in the same manner. Would you think they were giving their family a bad name? Would you think they were being brash and foolish? Would you think that you could do better… You should never argue publicly with a family member, or ally. Your boss has entrusted you with carrying the family name with pride, and confrontations in the open with people who are supposed to be on your side are a big disrespect. Take them to one side and discuss the matter privately or even better, just choose not to comment on the issue. If you disagree with something they are doing or saying, talk to your superiors. If they have concerns, they will address them of their own accord, if they do not, then you have nothing to worry about. Respect those who are of a higher rank than yourselves. This is not to say that they are always right, but you should do as I have mentioned before, and discuss these matters privately with them, or not at all. To have some Thug standing shouting down a Made Man is disrespectful, and will most likely lead to that Thug’s death. Think of if you were in the opposite person’s shoes, what you would do. If you were a Made guy, and some two-bit nobody Hoodlum is giving you lip, wouldn’t you just pull out your pistola and off the idiot? No matter what your opinion of somebody, if they are of higher rank than you, they have earned it, so respect that. Once again, if you have any concerns, talk to your boss. Most of all, listen to the viewpoints of others! Nobody is right 100% of the time, and even if you are right, there could still be factors and opinions you haven’t considered. Listening to others is the way forward. Why do you think your boss has a RHM/Underboss, or a consigliere? They are there not only to help manage the family, but to give advice and council. No man can know everything, and asking questions, or admitting when you are wrong, is not a weakness. Quite the opposite, a man that can listen to the viewpoints of others and admit his own mistakes is a man who will go far. There are no stupid questions, as a question is an indication that you are willing to learn, and fully accept that there is always going to be wisdom greater than your own, you cannot be a specialist on every subject. That’s all for today, I’ll see you again real soon. 'REWARD OFFERED! ' Missing: The BOING! The BOING has been missing for several weeks now, and its disappearance has left a huge hole in the lives of many. A $250,000 reward is offered for any information pertaining to the location and subsequent recovery of said BOING, with or without it’s keeper, Zebedee (with preferred). Last sighted near the women’s changing rooms at the municipal pool. 'THE APOSTROFLY: MYTH OR TERRIFYING TRUTH? ' In a recent street discussion started by BillyBathtub, the legendary apostrofly once again reared it’s ugly head. Grammatical scourge of the community, this rogue apostrophe appears at random in places where no other apostrophe would dare tread. The middle of a word? No problem for an apostrofly. Posters everywhere have been marred by this strange phenomenon, and scientists are calling it a “population explosion”. Little is known of the origins of the apostrofly, only of it’s periodic reappearance throughout the history of our nation, and subsequent infestations of street speeches and posters everywhere. Officials say they are not dangerous to humans, though advise caution when dealing with the menace. Recommendations include re-reading posters before putting them to print, to ensure none of the pests have snuck into the text. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Want your advert displayed here for FREE? Just mail it in to Randle McMurphy, and it’ll be printed in the next edition. 19:20, February 17, 2013 (UTC) The Tribune, on sale now. We may only bother with one article per issue, but by God we do try! Free conspiracy theory with EVERY copy! 19:20, February 17, 2013 (UTC) New law firm in town! Vestieri, Alfieri & Associates, for all your legal needs. Advice given on any situation, just stop by the office. 19:20, February 17, 2013 (UTC) STAFF WANTED! Yes, The Mafia Gazette is once again recruiting. Regular columnists and feature writers alike, we have positions here for you. Want to work for the original and the best? Then contact Randle McMurphy with a sample article, we’re waiting for your contribution! $50,000 paid per article published. 19:20, February 17, 2013 (UTC) McMurphy Inc® Speech Writing services – we write, you speak. $200,000 buys you one pre-written speech of your choice. See Randle McMurphy for details.